I have read a book in the past about What we tell our children, God may be trying to tell us. I truly got this idea last night.
Jeff and I have been "on Garrett's case" lately. He seems to have a care less attitude. He has not doing some things Jeff and I have been asking him to do. Responsibilites. We have tried many parenting tactics to try and "fix it". This has been going on with school work as well. Since he is homeschooled, I have taken the blame for this. The last few weeks have not been so pleasant. I do alot of talking and talking and talking. Needless to say, I think Garrett has become numb to my talking. Last Monday I was determined to not let the way he does things bother me. Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday were good days. Friday we were off to the beach. I saw some great things out of Garrett at the beach. I was finally thinking - look at the positive. Praise the positive. Look at his strength.
So now onto me:
I received a not some nice email right before the Harvest of Praise from someone "getting on my case". They felt as those I had done something not quiet so right according to them. I could not get the email out of my head. I fired back all night at my husband who took the burden for this person's email. I was not able to say to them face to face what I wanted to say so I said it to my husband. Even when we got home, I was still mad.
They didn't know my side of the story.
They didn't understand my thinking.
They were an outsider looking in
They had truly hurt me by their words
They were pointing all the wrong I did - did they know what I had done to fix this already
I couldn't even enjoy the night. I couldn't enjoy my children. I couldn't think except on the email and the comments. I begin to try to let go and not worry. I knew before I went to bed I needed to pray. I had to turn it over to God. As I was finishing up on my work sitting in the school room, my brain shifted to Garrett. How does he feel? Does he feel that I don't understand? Does he think I don't understand his side? Do I hurt him with my words just trying to get my point across? How does he go to bed with a huge burden? What message do I send to him when I constantally point out all the wrong his does?
So as I began to get on my knees, my prayer shifted from poor pitfull me who felt like a victim to what am I saying to my son? God spoke in that moment. This email from this person left me with so much hurt and worry and heaviness. What am I saying to my son?
My Heavenly Father said things to me through this.
I felt as though I had done everything right. Why is this person sending me an ugly email?
Garrett may be saying - I thought I did it right? Why are you getting on me? What am I doing as a mom?
Dear LORD,
Off to a new start - Thank you God for your teachings. We, as children of God, need you. We can't do this ugly world without you. Prepare me, O LORD, to be the mom that Garrett needs everyday. Encouragement and Love. Let me show him ways that he can trust me. Just as I need to trust you LORD. God, you ask us to trust and obey. If he can trust me, then the obey will follow. Continue to work in our hearts, our home and our school. We love you!
In Jesus name
Amen
